The less known neighbour to the gods island, Bali, Lombok harbours more than secret pristine beaches and vast rice fields. Instead of ‘something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue’, they have their own strong belief in a marriage: the groom must kidnap the bride.
This tradition is upheld even today, as grooms are not expected to sincerely ask the bride’s father for his blessings, or set up a formal dinner between the two families. In fact, such acts might be met with complaints and even a fine.
Of course, in the modern new world of today, things are a tad different. Nowadays, couples with phones pre-meditate their own schemes of kidnapping, with the groom simply waiting outside and the bride (mostly) sneaking out on her own. However, in the old days, grooms actually broke in to homes, tip-toeing and making sure the bride wouldn’t wake up her family, since a failed kidnapping scheme would mean no marriage, and the groom would be a subject of embarassment.
In the old days, when dating were not a custom, a groom could actually kidnap a bride who is completely unfamiliar with him. You might wonder how a woman would want to willingly follow an unknown man back to his home. The answer to that curiosity is a mystical spell which put the bride in a trance through out the entire thing. Once the bride arrives in the groom’s house, a marriage is almost guaranteed, since it would be dishonorable for the bride to refuse at this point.
The laws for a woman to marry in the Lombok tradition is not really about the age, nor their ability to cook. It’s their ability to weave a cloth. Girls are taught to weave from a young age. A single cloth usually takes about 2 weeks to a month to complete. Women in local, traditional villages are traditionally not allowed to work outside their village.
Marriage in Lombok is festively celebrated. Instead of handing out invitations, a wedding is normally announced publicly with a speaker to the entire village. The entire village is then invited, and the invitation informally extend to all their families and relatives. A single wedding could easily use up to 2 tonnes of rice, with the family feeling disappointed if it’s any less than that. Lombok families take ‘the merrier, the better’ strongly. Those who attend weddings normally bring gifts for the newly weds’ new home, along with bringing uncooked rice for the family on their wedding day.
After a bride is successfully ‘kidnapped’, a negotation is mediated with the head of the village between the two families. The bride’s family will request a certain amount of money, to which the groom’s family might agree or subject. The amount could be higher according to the bride’s degree of education. When both families have reached an agreed amount, the marriage can then proceed.
PIN IT!
I had been to Lombok many times they have loads of pearl and coral also. Some friends share such stories of tribal wedding and kidnap brides it’s having own culture and traditions and Bali is total different from Lombok and the beaches are superb and amazing green all over.
Have a nice week end. 🙏
Ohh so nice to know you’ve been there too! I agree, while Bali is an amazingly lifely city, Lombok is still a calm and relatively untouched nature. Yes, despite being neighbors, Bali and Lombok have completely different cultures and it’s interesting to learn more about both of them! :)x
Never been there last 5 years but earlier I had been there many times in Lombok. Bali improved and Lombok is just hidden beside soon they open up with big tourism plans I heard. Indonesia very beautiful country.
I def heard about this but not sure it was in Lombok. Its on youtube, i found it pretty interesting but the woman looked so scared so idk if i was to be happy for her or scared lol. Thank you for sharing this, very interesting info!
This is a very interesting post! It’s true that courtship and marriage is done differently in various cultures. In the Philippines, the man and his family visits the future bride’s family to ask her hand for marriage. There was also a long-forgotten tradition where the man performs chores (chopping wood, cooking, laundry, etc.) for the bride’s family.
Wow…that was a very insightful look into a custom that many would find shocking…thank you for sharing!
Such an interesting post! I’ve never visited before. Thank you so much for sharing!
Ellie x
Thanks for posting, this was such an interesting read. It’s amazing how different all cultures are isn’t it? The woven cloths are beautiful!
That’s such an interesting take on marriage! I love how every culture has different customs and traditions for marriage. Thanks for sharing!
This is such an interesting tradition! I can see how it can be romantic, but also scary if you think that a stranger could kidnap you and then you have to marry them!
http://www.sundaydahlias.com
This is so interesting, what a funny tradition. Isn’t it great that they keep it alive even with phone etc like you said. I love your pictures too btw, especially the woman weaving!
Jenny | Local Leo